i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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