Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
