This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
