I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
