these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
