you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
