cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
