got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm like, not good at living.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
