Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
why is half of my head shaved?
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