He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
