I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
