Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
