You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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