we have pet lesbian snakes
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
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