glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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