Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i came on her dog
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
