you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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