did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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