I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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