Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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