the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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