Your dad touched me again.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
