Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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