remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
