Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
