Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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