'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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