just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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