I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
