She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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