Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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