last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
