I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The chlamydia really affected his face.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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