so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
