i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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