oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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