i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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