i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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