the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
