Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
