I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
