But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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