alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
