Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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