This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
