im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
