she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
