I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
