Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
