Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
