Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
